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12:32 AM -- 2005-04-05
Awww Ninja, don't be bummed about the outcome of Wresltemania 21...

Oh but I am bummed about wrestlemania sunday night.... down right busted up.

I convinced a buddy of mine into getting the pay per view this weekend. He holds weekly get togethers with his friends, and to my surprise, was down to make it a showcase.

I said, "oh hell yeah."

I've been getting back into watching wwe after a 6 year sabbatical. My all time hero, Shawn Michaels is back in the game.... which is fucking delightful. And he is still one fine lookin man. The showstopper, the i--con, the heartbreak kid shawn michaels is a doormat for absolultely NO ONE. I swear to Krishna that I just love this fucking guy. But I was close to devastated when I saw his comeback match sunday night. But we'll certainly get to that later. First, I'll have to set this all up with the shithole I was in.

The couple throwing the party are the coolest people in the metroplex, but their friends are a completely different breed. I can't understand the connection, but my friends are hanging with the biggest bunch of pseudo-intellectual pissheads I've ever come across in all my travels. I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a kindergarten floor circle.... and these tools are supposed to be 10 years my senior... watching a health show about male breasts and cracking the fuck up.

Tit jokes.... are you fucking kidding me?!

And since I'm talking about wrestling tonite, I'd better get this next part over with... because after I say this, I never have to want to deal with this issue in the future. EVER.

You ignorant moose twat, wrestling is indeed staged. Its also understood that the matches are fake. I swear to god, everywhere I go, and every time I mention wrestling.... there's always some clown dick that goes, "derrr.... wrestling is soo fake....derrrrrrrrr.." Situations of the kind make me wanna dole out some sweet chin music, and crack a swift boot to the jaw. CRAcK! Like I said, this is the last time I'll mention the issue. Pro Wrestling is about the pageantry, the drama... and the hella crazy drop kicks. I think its the bee's motherfucking knees, if ya get me...

Last night for example... any opposer (and there were at least a dozen) would get the verbal smackdown from myself. A guy would start talking shit, and I'd crack him with a few jab jabs of my own... no one talks shit about rasslin to me and doesn't get it back in the juglar. And I tell you, none of these people expected a well spoken intellectual to spit truth and dominance about pro wrestling. Thats the bottom line, sport entertainment rocks my boots off.

So back to the match. I was hacked off as hell to see Shawn Michaels sporting a receding hairline. Fuck me sideways, because I have always been in love with that man's hair. And I'll be brutally honest when I say he did not look so hot n' fine last night. And I'll be a selfish fan when I say he should be in top shape if he's gonna stay in the ring. Git yo shit together, brah.

Tap out to the Ankle lock?!! Fuckin' 6 years ago that would never ever ever happen. Motherfucking Kurt Angle made him tap out last night. I hate Kurt Angle, and I can't believe the end of that match. Rematch to the max, goddammit.

And the fucking six man ladder match was kinda tight... it coulda been eight times tighter though. The idea of the ladder match is to climb a ladder to a prize hanging above the ring... this time being a briefcase with a contract match against the world title champ. So knowing that ladders are involved, its expected that high risk moves will be all up in the mug. Not so much. I wanted to see nutty motherfuckers launching themselves all over the dome... but I got none of that. Lame sauce, indeed. This crazy douche named Edge won it. I hate that guy. Besides, Chris Jericho didn't win... and thats bullshit.

In a celeb match... Akebono the sumo champ chaunced The Big Show right outta the ring... straight sumo-style of course. That was pretty neat for the 3 minutes that the match lasted. 500 pound giants jostling around.. hell yea!

Oh yes... and the Undertaker beat the hell outta that little shit Randy Orton, and his krunk ass daddy. Nothin's finer than seeing a big man's boot smack an old man's face. Mad-deserved violence. Thats what he gets for interferring though, ya hear me?

And I was tickled to see the return of The Hot Rod, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Three cheers for his little mock interview show, The Piper's pit. That old bastard is one loose cannon, I tell ya. He had Stone Cold Steve Austin to interview. And its bonus-fabulous because Stone Cold hasn't been around in years either. I knew this interview was going to get rambunctious from the start, because those two have old grudges. First Roddy was talking shit, then Austin talked some shit.... and just when you thought it was gonna go down, this fucking cuban guy with a fro Carlito comes out! For no fucking reason! And he starts talking shit about both Stone Cold and Roddy.... and thats when it really went down. They both started kicking the shit outta the cuban simultaneously... peppered his ass with fists of fire. The Roddy did his special move of poking him right in the eyes.... setting him up for a Stone Cold Stunner that almost drove his jaw straight up through the skull.

Hell yea... never step to two beer-drinkin son's of bitches.

After disposing of Carlito, Stone Cold and the Hot Rod drank a shit load of beer, one after another right there in the ring. Three cheers for beer drinkin brawlin.

And I almost shit my pants, when the Hulkster ran out to beat up these Iraqi bastards that were just pissing everyone off. Not that I really think all Iraqi's are bastards, but these two Iraqi wrestlers are actually assholes. Anyways, fuck yea for Hulk Hogan in his old Hulkamania gear.... getting the fans pumped.

And the last match I saw before I went home I knew was going to come out against my wishes. This fucking rap kid named John Cena, eminem on 'roids, beat my champ JBL. (he's based on JR Ewing from Dallas... which is a bonus.) I fucking love JBL... he's a smug asshole who comes out to the ring in a limousine sporting longhorns. And when he's not in the matches, he's strutting around in expensive suits and throwing champange parties ringside. I say hell yea for a texas bred boy getting in there and talking shit to this punkass rap kid. And I'll be damned if John Cena didn't take JBL's title last night. My boy's gonna win it back though, you'll see.

Its fucked up that I didn't get to see the main event, but someone said something about wanting to go to bed. Whatever... I just told them to make me a tape. I know Batista took the championship from my boy Triple H.... and I say, I'm pretty sore about that too. Batista is a child... and HHH is gonna fuck him up real soon. Word.

Anywho.... this is becoming a diss-ertation, but hey, what can ya do?

I got the "Wrestlemania didn't work out like I wanted it", blues.

Time to go smoke a cigarette and stew about it.

The Ninja is signin off..

Sa Da Tay!