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12:34 AM -- 2005-05-27
Fuck- Fuck, Fuck the Suburbs.

I'll tell ya what gets my goat lately... gets my goat right by the damned neck and swings it around til its good and pissed off. The Suburbs.

The fucking suburbs have come into the foreground as my newest and foulest nemisis yet. What sucks the very most is that this time... nemisis is on the offensive, rather than my normal from-afar brooding, unbeknownst to my enemy.

Fuck. To clarify, alot of shifty things have been happening in my neighborhood; I live in the worst of the suburbs... texas republican cookie-cutter-house ville. And I am imbedded in the center of hostility to people like myself, counterculturist. Being vastly outnumbered sends humans into a fucked-up survival mode. Suddenly everything becomes an enemy, everyone is a phone call away from sending you to the slammer, and the drugs sure as fuck don't help situations.

Each of my neighbors themselves have come out as kooked-out people rampaging the walmart with their oversized SUV's... soccer caravans in and out of my front yard, bible study invitations.... fuck fuck fuck... the list goes on.

Sometimes I feel they are the righteous and I am the villain... like the bad guys in Care Bears who represent clouds and darkness. My evening drive turns out to be an annoying parade through streets filled with playing children and dog walkers... they skip about while I scowl over my steering wheel, pissed off because I can't hit this joint I have burning between my knuckles. Its like I'm getting a square stare-down. Now I know what the Care Bear villians feel after the end of an episode.

Okay my neighbors to the right are really screwy. Middle aged couple who can't have kids. Went to China and adopted a few kids... gave them cute tradtional american names, yada yada. The stay at home mom is a registered nurse-turned fitness trainer, which she does part time. The rest of her time is literally spent baking cakes, watching oprah, and organizing garage sales. I had to talk to her one day when my gramma asked me to work at our garage sale, in conjunction with super mom. What struck me as disturbing is in conversation, she'd laugh out loud at really inappropriate times. Like a nervous, freakishly loud guffaw. She said something about donating to a battered women's shelter, and then belted a laugh. I never trusted those neighbors after that.

My neighbors to the left are hella fucked up in a different way. Big, fat staunch wear-it-on-my-shirt Republicans. As obnoxious as Bill O'Rei3ly, but twice the size and sweat glands. Fuck I might just live next door to ol Rush again. These two people also can't have children, so instead of chinese babies, they get their fix from a couple of golden retrievers they coddle. I hate them the most because the hostility from these fuckers is real. When the presidential race was going, he put a bush-cheney sign on that little piece of turf between our lawns, in addition to his garden sign and mailbox flag. This bastard has no soul, and will not hesitate to call johnny law on my singled-out ass. Fuck those loud mouthed losers.

The people across the street are a christian couple with a bunch of weird kids. They always come over and chase our animals around, and ask my gramma to do shit for them. These folk are low on my radar, because they're moving and I don't give a shit where they go... just away from me with their kids bearing no social boundaries.

The neighbor catacorner to us is a couple in the midst of a nasty divorce. The woman is a total nutjob. One day she told my cousin to stay away from her terrier because it would catch her asthma. And when her dog died, she nearly passed out on our couch after blathering the story to my gramma. My grampa had to drive her crazy ass home from the vet she was so put out. And the bitch is really fucking with my shit by calling the law all the time on her husband who keeps violating his restraining order. I have very very little patience for bullshit like that.

The backyard is a risky place to smoke, because there's nothing but a fence between all the backyards, no alleys or bufferzones. And most of the houses are two stories, so more than one balcony from neighbors to the back are right up in my face. Everywhere I look its windows with potentially a watching stranger behind them. Fuck this neighborhood backs up to a country club... and you know what freaks lurk there.

My grampa's rich buddies get drunk and swerve around the streets at night, heading for the golf course. But drunk rich codgers are acceptable 'round these here parts.

My point is.... I'm surrounded by people far more fucked up than I ... but I'm the criminal for smoking a little gange. I didn't vote for that nitwit president and I don't believe in god. Suburbs, I am YOUR enemy. And you are mine.

But I'm not the only one.... others are imbedded in situations too. Down the street we have imbedded rednecks. People who use their SUV's not for church trips, but for muddin' and parties at the lake. They like their music loud and their diesel engines even louder. I love these people... my hometown people. For chrissakes, at least they drink alcohol.

There are some imbedded mexicans a few blocks away. They're great because they don't give a fuck and scare their neighbors with strange languages. They love to let their full sized dogs run and they love to get their party on. In the streets, baby.

Besides making a few funny antecdotes, living in the suburbs has done nothing but turn my living conditions into brain throbbing inconvienences. Fuck the suburbs, they can keep their matching cars, I don't want any part of that... somebody gimme something to tie off with.

Bah.

Fuck, Fuck fuck the suburbs.

my new rap single.

the ninja, signing off

sa da tay.