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2:50 AM -- 2004-01-16
Democrats Unite!

Tonite, The Ninja gets all political and such. Finally I endorse my presidential candidate.

I've carefully studied each democratic candidate's platforms, and they are all virtually the same, with the exception of Lieberman, whom I don't even consider anything less than REPUBLICAN. I suppose though, it is nice variety to have at least one guy running on a "Keep America Terrorized" platform. Preserving Clinton's Legacy, my ass, Senator.

So we'll go through the presidential hopefuls, and I'll throw in a cent or two... adding their website, so you can get facts and not just Ninja-spins.

DENNIS KUCINICH: Mah nigga. If Willie Nelson and I could have our way, this man would be our president indefinitely. Completely unelectable and pretty left wing, he's got a snowball's chance in hell of winning. He knows this, and vows to keep running and little by little he'll show America what the fuck is up. His war policies are exactly what I want, pulling the troops out immediately, letting the UN take over (who should've been in charge in the first place) and paying innocent Iraqi's war reparations, for the shit we destroyed while we were there. Plus he wants to end the privitization of Iraqi oil, so slimeballs like Dickhole Cheney can't get their grubby mits on it. Kucey is all about green energy, which rocks my jaw off and is down with decriminalization of marijuana... keep truckin' Denny. www.kucinich.us/

WESLEY CLARK: Democrats dig Clark mainly because they believe he has a good shot at beating Bush. I think its not fair that simply a military record makes one more electable than one who has great ideas and intentions for the country. The one thing that makes me wary of Clark is that he's got a history for supporting republicans. Voted for Nixon and Reagan, and just recently praised the quartet of doom: Bush, Cheney, Rumsfield and AsScroft. I won't hold that solely against him though, as you can vote for whomever the fuck you want. General Clark upholds alot of the fundamental issues common to the democratic party this election: civil liberties, pro-choice, and anti-war. Truthfully, I think Clark would make a stellar Vice President. www.Clark04.com

REVEREND AL SHARPTON: Ah, the Jesse Jackson of our election. People like Jackson and the illustrious Sharpton give minority politicians a bad name. Its all about making money to these jackasses, and they push racial issues to stir the pot to fundraise. The other black candidate, Carole Mosely Braun got all up in the Reverend's grill and said, "The last thing this country needs is to get into a racial shouting match." I was all like, "word." Sharpton is so quick to make everything racial because he doesn't have anything else to say. He has no business in this election if all he's going to do is make stupid baseless racial attacks on front-runners like Dean. Come to think of it, I don't think I've heard a single bit of his stance on economic reform or healthcare in this country. Nah, man... Sharpton's full of shit like always, FBI stoogie. www.sharpton2004.org

JOE LIEBERMAN: I'm waiting for one of those Pepsi Twist moments, where Lieberman unzips his face and says, "I'm not Joe Lieberman... I'm George Dubya!" His stance is to play off 9/11 and scare the nation into voting for him. Not going to work, Joe. He also wants to keep all tax cuts Bush is instituting... throwing our country further into debt than it already is. Uncle Sam is screening his calls as we speak. Nah, I'm not a Joe-fan. www.joe2004.com

HOWARD DEAN: Yea, I'm throwing my support behind this behemoth. I dig his ideas, and I like the way he talks... however, he's too mouthy to win the mainstream vote. He's like the John McCain of the democratic party. Remember the "Straight-Talk Express"? Yea, it didn't work for McCain, and I have doubts of whether it'll work for Dean. What can I say about Dean that I haven't said about the other candidates... he's pro-choice, anti global gag rule, staunch anti-war, pro-universal healthcare, and pro-education reform. I was even thinking of volunteering to go to Iowa and do some grassroots organizing... til I realized I'd have to pay for my trip. Anyways, I dig what he does, but if "somebody" else comes out on top here in the caucusi, I wont hesitate to jump ship and back a winning team. www.deanforamerica.com

JOHN KERRY: This is the "somebody" I was talking about from before. Kerry is a cool motherfucker, and I like what he does. Basic issue stances like the other candidates, but he actually has plans outlined out on his website. No vague language with this guy. He's all like, "Look this is what I'm going to do, and here's the exact time frame in which its going to happen." My mom is a Kerry fan, and after looking up some stuff, I am too. A huge plus is that he served voluntarily in Vietnam. Not too bad of a badge to have in a presidential election. Kerry rocks out on the guitar as well, which can't hurt him.. specially if he wins the nomination and goes on Rock The Vote for MTV. Kids hate George Dubya, and they'll throw mad support behind a man who can wail on the axe. Its a long shot.. but it might be a good way to get the young voters to the polls. www.johnkerry.com/

DICK GEPHARDT: I'm still stunned that this man is 78 years old. He doesn't look a day over 60. Dick Gephardt is gaining support in Iowa, but I think alot of it has to do with slinging mud at Dean. I don't dig negative campaigning when it comes from the inside of your own party. Anyways, I find him to be pretty uninteresting, so much that even I don't take much time on his website. If you want to look it up, or maybe you wanna see a crazy-old man look so crazy-young. www.dickgephardt2004.com

JOHN EDWARDS: I know what you were thinking.. and don't worry, I thought it too... but this is NOT the guy who talks to "the other side". I know.. I wish "Crossing Over" were running too, but this guy is pretty fucking cool... he just needs more momentum. He's pretty good lookin too. His healthcare plan is stellar, and I like his stance on education. Good man... would make a nice VP. www.johnedwards2004.com

CAROL MOSELEY BRAUN: Okay, she's already dropped out, but I feel its important for her to be in this list. Yea for women in the democratic primary. My favorite part was when she put Sharpton in his place about racism. If any of the white men in the race would've said it, it woulda been WWIII and we'd get nothing done... but if a black woman tells you to shut the fuck up about racism, whatcha gonna do?? Hell yea, Braun... she's endorsing Dean, and I hope she shows up on a ballot as someone's running mate. www.carolforpresident.com

So there you have it... everything you could want to know, or at the least a link page on the democratic candidates for 2004.

My ultimate pick is Kerry, cause I think he has the juice to do the damn thing. However, alot of the guys have the basic stances I like. What we need is to all get behind one guy so we can send that monkey-fuck in the white house packing.

Read up, and do your voting in your state... even if you live in a staunch GOP state like Tx... your vote still counts. Goddammit if I'm voting in Republican Central, then by-golly, you suckas have no excuse.

The Ninja Political, is signing off..

Sa Da Tay!