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9:17 PM -- 2004-03-01
Hooray for Hollyweird!

Its march 1st... the weather here in tx leads to the assumption that the end of march is going to be a bitch for us all. A terrible wind-addled weather-bitch.

I got a chance for the first time to watch the Oscars in its entirety, and I was disappointed for the most part.

Hollywood red carpets: High maintenance over primped show-ponies herded into a building where they clammer over one another to bask in the limelight the longest.

But I can't help but watch. The red carpet was a particularly boring spectacle, that for the lack of drama, I was expecting and anticipating someone to show up naked just to break even. Oh those showbiz types... you never know what to expect... so the best is to expect nothing at all. Lesson learned.

Robin Williams did the funniest thing he's done in public for a long long time... brought the infamous Bobcat as his date. Nice job. I dug that. That fucking Bobcat will never die in my books.

Next year to the Oscars someone should bring Pauly Shore... for both giggles and a charity endeavour... ohhh... roast.

I wont be long here, as the cat ruined the comforts of the computer chair with almost unnatural amounts of vomit that permanently seeped into the seat. The new wooden chair is cramping my ass something terrible.

Back to the oscars.

Lord of the Rings, as expected made the clean sweep, perhaps in consolation from being left out for the past two fucking years. I still think Astin should've drawn a supporting nomination, but we can't be too greedy, 11 oscars later.

I don't however think that Annie Lennox should've beaten Mitch & Mickey... I mean who remembers the songs played during the credits for any of the Rings movies?? Bullshit, I tell ya.

Fact of the matter is: if he ever had trouble before, Peter Jackson wont have any problems getting laid now.

Well it seems Spicoli got the oscar. I was surprised to hear he's never won one. And boy was Bill Murrizle sardonically pissed. But Johnny, I was rootin' for ya, and I know third time's a charm... you'll get your fucking credit, rest assured.

And man, did Johnny Depp look smashingly dapper last night? I dug the new doo, harkening back to an Edward Scissorhands era. Still my ultimate favorite hollywood motherfucker.

I can't decide which I'm most anticipating: The Rum Diary, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, or Pirates part deaux.

I can't keep focused on the subject at hand: Oscars, Ninja... we're talking Oscars here.

Shit.

More wine... we need more wine.

And of the ladies, I find Jennifer Garner to be the best looking last night. I admit... she was hot. Everyone else looked boring and monochramatic... and this includes Nicole Kidman.

But enough of popular fashion, thats never been my strong suit.

The political statements were too few, considering two of the winners were fucking Robbins and Spicoli. Poor form gentlemen... I wanted a Michael Moore-esque speech. And I got none.

Best part? Why, Mitch & Mickey of course. Even though Mighty Wind wasn't the best of the Guest-genre, I still draw tears at a Kiss at the End of the Rainbow.

On drums...

Funny how I got through an oscar wrap-up without talking about very many of the winners. Who cares about that bull roar anyways.

Joan Rivers is a wrinkled tacky dirtbag of a whore. Retire.

The Ninja, is signing off..

Sa Da Tay!