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5:14 PM -- 2004-01-30
A nemesis relationship is one for life.

Something significant came to me yesterday on my afternoon walk through the countryside. Perhaps the 2nd thing I want most in this world. The first of course being everlasting love... but this I found might be a close, close second.

Ladies and Gentleman, I've found my ultimate nemesis.

So much of a nemesis that I might say Austin isn't big enough for the two of us.

We almost came to scrappin' over a man, and she personifies everything I should and could hate.

When I came across this realization, I was very hesitant to come to this computer about it, for that would lead to natural analysis of the situation, and frankly I'm frightened that delving too much into the subject would surely implode my brain.

But hell, to have a nemesis, you should be comfortable in your feelings enough to talk freely.... because its no fun any other way.

Its almost hilarious how much I hate this girl... she has pretty much ruined every plan I've had at happiness or self progression... and worst of all, she's done it inadvertantly.

Its so hard to hate someone who thinks you're the shit.... Jesus christ, woman.... stop making me look like an asshole. Punch me, set my house a'flame, shit... just call me a loser... just give me something here.

Alright, enough jabbering, I'll go ahead and get into the story of how all this came to be, in a perfect storm aimed at my loathing.

I knew this chick was going to be trouble the first day I layed eyes on her... me being in the middle of working to earn the love of the man of my dreams, I went on the defensive, telling her point-blank, "hey, you can have anyone else... fair game.... but this one here, he's mine... so off limits, hun."

I mean, it wasn't so blunt, and said to more or less to a group of female trainees. It was all I could do to set some ground rules, and preserve my current spot in this strange heirarchy.

Alas, it worked not at all. I looked like an over-protective insecure bitch, (which is for the most part true) and this hussy went ahead and moved in on my man. Things didn't get any easier when I found out he was the one making moves on her... I still feel she had alot to do with it.

And on top of that, she was showing my punkass up in the workplace... banking outta control... and working there far less than I had, added insult to my greivous injury.

And she invaded my social group as well... you see, for as long as I had been there, I'd been "the cute one"... the one everyone thought was adorable (its hard to imagine, I know... but I was comfortable with it). In any setting, the cute one is automatically backseated to "the hot one"... and thats exactly what happened. Guys were fighting over her, and I was deemed chopped fucking liver. Things don't get any easier when one of the men fighting over her was the one I loved more than swiss cake rolls... and she knew this, keeping from me.

You can't keep a relationship with someone away from the person that is completely obsessed with him. Secretive rendevous don't work when I'm tirelessly working to make him mine. So when I found out, it was like a huge bomb exploding in my living room. Heads would've rolled, except I heard during my thanksgiving break, so I had a good 4 days to cool off. Lucky you, nemesis.

Ohhh.. how I loathe you, nemesis.

Since I've aquired a nemesis of my own, I'll have to re-vamp the rule about how a nemesis has to loathe you as you loathe them equally. Like Ned Flanders, a nemesis can fuck up your day without even knowing it. Flanders has no hate toward Homer, yet is still a nemesis no doubt. This chick is the Flanders to my Homer.

Everything my nemesis has done during our relationship has been in direct violation to my life. If that isn't nemesis-qualifying, then I don't know what is.

My nemesis is a bongo-playing vegan, who dabbles in writing poetry, sings my favorite song excruciatingly well, dreadlocked better than any white girl I know, and does everything I wanted to do better than I ever could. Jesus christ, I can't help but harbor disdain.

Its become alarmingly apparent to me that I must be coming off like a complete asshole... its cool, I'm acustomed to it.

She's one of those people that if I did anything malicious to her, it would somehow work in her favor... like when Jan cut Marsha's hair in her sleep. Another key nemesis qualifier.

And she calls me, "sister"...

When I came to her about her alleged weekend with Joe, she was so upset that she put me in a situation to be "sad". After about an hour of hashing it out, she said, "Look, I'm one of those people that lets whatever will happen, happen. So if you and Joe have a 'connection' (yes, she said 'connection'). then I will be happy for you... because I unselfishly will sit aside if others want to be happy."

And I said, "So you'll leave Joe alone then?"

"Well, I'll let whatever happen to do so. I mean, I think he's rockin', but whatever will be, will be."

The bitch challenged me while sounding like a saint. Never before did I know this was possible... I stand corrected.

I insincerely made ammends with her, she called me her sister, and got nothing resolved. I lost Joe to a woman named Wisconsin a month later, and I still blame my nemesis for impeding plans.

I was going to move in with some people from work, and somehow she stole my room, and the beer I had in the fridge.

No no... not the beer too.... goddamn you, nemesis.

This story is far from over... I'm returning to austin soon... and tales continue, I'm sure.

I'm happy though... for I have gained a sworn enemy.

Ah the joys of being completely insane.

The Ninja is signing off..

Sa Da Tay!