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3:05 AM -- 2004-10-06
John Kerry's "Global Test" is the new Al Gore's "Lock Box"...

About the election efforts in Iraq: "we will have struck a major blow right at the heart of the base, if you will, the geographic base of the terrorists who have had us under assault now for many years, but most especially on 9/11."
-- Dick Cheney 2003

Yea... you said it.

For the past few hours or so, I've been pretty obessed with current events. Mostly the vp debate tonite. And shocking to me, I seem to disagree with most of the pundits who say that Cheney dominated... did we see the same show?

Agreed, it wasn't the slaughter I thought it was going to be, but I think John Edwards slightly came out on top.... and its not the brownie points he scored with that southern accent and fantastic teeth. But flat out... this fucking guy was on the ball.

Not to say Cheney didn't hold his own. I was pretty impressed, I tell ya. Its completely obvious, that the VP knows his stuff 8 times more than that blundering texan at the podium last thursday. Very sharp fucking guy, this Dickolaus Cheney.

So I taped it, got a hold of the transcript and did some fact checking, as anyone else would do with my sort of free time... and before you go trusting up on these politicians, you listen to me first. This is a Captian's Log exclusive... beeeatch.

For the very first time, I heard the magic number of this "Grand Coalition" we've been hearing about from both sides. The vice president's comparision was to the gulf war, with 34 countries involved to the iraq war's 30.

"30 fucking countries??!" I said after a spittake.

So I set out to find a list... shocked by such stout figure.

Over at CNN, and alot of the major news sources, all that was really listed was casualties... which isn't exactly what I was interested in... but just fyi there have been about 1200 casualties in this war, and over 1000 of them are US soldiers... the next in line is the UK with less than a hundred. So the Kerry-Edward's facts do check out on that 90% casualty number.

Anyways, a UK news source finally got me the list and breakdown I needed.... contrary to the outdated one I got from the official whitehouse page.

Sure, that 30 country figure is right, but what the whitehouse fails to mention is the actual numbers of troops each of the allies are sending. Quick breakdown:

We're sending 110,000 troops as of 10/5/2004.

UK is behind us with 8,700.

Then each of the countries fall in line significantly behind that. Japan, for instance, has only sent 34 troops.

Hey, but guess what, we've got some banana republic troops on our roster. Nicaragua and Costa Rica are on board, but the soldiers sent weren't listed. Hold on.... I thought Costa Rica had no standing army.

But anyways, this is where it starts to really suck. The smaller countries aforementioned fall under the command of the Polish, who sent 1300 troops. Poland has said that they are very unhappy with the whole mess, and they're pulling out for sure in 2005.

So... what's going to happen with the Nicaraguan troops who came under Polish command?? Do they go home too?

But anyways, long story short... this Iraq business is nto a good situation... moving on.

I think one of the most cutting remarks in the debate, was when Dick Cheney talked about presididing over the Senate as VP, and said the Edwards, "the first time I met you was when you walked on stage tonite."

Not entirely accurate, bub.

Please... everyone knows that wily bastard McCain has the worst attendance record in the senate, and people see him all the time.

Besides, a few times, the VP has had brunch with John Edwards (government people need to consolidate their meals, because they are very very busy making laws... so naturally they often do brunch.)

CNN - Edwards' campaign later provided a transcript of a February 2001 prayer breakfast at which Cheney began his remarks by acknowledging the North Carolina senator. The campaign said the two also met when Edwards accompanied the other North Carolina senator, Elizabeth Dole, to her swearing-in ceremony.

Anywho, I thought it was funny how even when asked specifially not to in a question, John Edwards couldn't help but mention John Kerry's name. But goddammit, he's too cute, and I'd prbobably end up letting him get away with it. That fucking boyish smile... sheesh.

And its crazy that not once did Dick Cheney mention the president's name. I wonder if there has ever been a vice presidential debate where a VP candidate had neglected to mention the man who he calls boss. Fucking crazy.

Is gay marriage an emotional issue with Mr. Cheney.... I think so.

That whole topic was really unsettling... especially when in his rebuttal, all he did was quickly thank John Edwards for saying nice things about his family. Its pretty obvious to me that he has a hard time talking about it. Awk-ward.

I was very very close to seeing similarities to a human being in Dick Cheney tonite.

But anyways.... here's my summation:

John Edwards is a very good debater, who proved he knows his stuff. He really stuck in there with a man who's reign in big politics spans decades.

I learned that Dick Cheney is a very very smart man... and its not surprising that he's more abreast on issues than our own goddamn president. And as usual.... he dodged a Halliburton question.

I think that man should not have the power he's been allowed for the entirety of his political career. I'd rather have that weasel Jessie Jackson embezzling from my pockets, than some oil tycoon embezzling from my pockets.

I can embezzle from my own pockets, thanks.

In other news:

Rodney Dangerfield died yesterday. Now Huslter magazine's got to find another dirty old man to endorse them. Three cheer's for Sean Connery!

Nascar's sweetheart, Dale Earnhardt Jr. was fined some cash and racing points for dropping the F-bomb as at post race interview. The racion points he lost dropped him from 1st to 2nd place in the standings for the series. Boy, I am sure glad they got this ruffian under control. Right now its cursing... next thing you know, he'll be drinking cheap beer and dating stripper's named Amber.... setting a horrible example for rednecks all over the country.

This includes you, mom & dad.

Sorry, its been so lengthy tonite lost of things to talk about.

The Ninja, is signing off...

Sa Da Tay!!