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12:05 AM -- 2004-06-03
HOW TO SURVIVE A DAY AT WORK: BY THE NINJA

Its to my surprise that my dealer simply can't keep up with me. I win the race and I scramble for a fix. Such is the life of a aimless dirtbag.

So as to my absence, I chalk it up to work stealing my waking soul. I do learn a great deal, and I find myself puzzled by human behavior more and more. People watching is the best at a discount bookstore in the middle of the metroplex. Fascinating.

Being at work I tend to think about how much it sucks to be working. Or perhaps how much fun I could have if I weren't working at the time. In the past I've had in the workforce at various jobs, I've got a pretty good system that gets me through the day. Now that I think about it... its about time I reveal my secrets in surviving employment hell. So it goes as follows....

HOW TO SURVIVE A DAY AT WORK: BY THE NINJA

1. Take a five minute break every fifteen minutes to go outside your store/office building/construction site and lay dow. Believe me if you work standing up or sitting down in any way for hours at a time... you won't think twice about sprawling out flat on cement. If your boss gets pissy about you bustin a chill outside in the parking lot.... you tell him to eat shit and go back inside. That fucker's been asking for it a long time a'comin.

2. Every so often, take a smoke break at your register/desk/bus driver's seat. Its awesome to experience both the refreshing taste of menthol and air conditioning at the same time. Again, if Manager Todd has a problem.... he should eat shit.

3. Games on the computer? Hell yea. Unless you've worked a shit job at a computer, do you really appreciate how fun Solitaire is. And who doesn't know how to get minesweeper up on a cashregister screen? Hell, Work time is what those Microsoft default games are made for. Sending ol Manager Todd a shitload of porn email also constitutes as an excellent computer game.

4. Naps aren't just for babies anymore! If you feel like grabbing a few z's after lunch... by all means, do. People think that kind of thing is funny, and not at all irritating. Besides, sleep tends to gobble up time, so faster way to the end of the day! My friend Jordie sleeps off his hangover's in the grocery store walk in fridge.

You see, work can be interesting and often times hilarious... no matter what the situation.

Otherwise known as HOW TO GET FIRED FROM YOUR JOB AND POSSIBLY ARRESTED: BY THE NINJA

Well I'm out to flip a crip...

Oh that good word... The Ninja is signing off..

Sa Da Tay!