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12:35 AM -- 2006-04-25
Possums be a beeatch, suckas.

I decided to do a bit of midnight photography tonite.... with horrifying results.

For continuity's sake, I will report that a fiendish possum* has been frequenting our back yard in the warm months. This being merely april in 2006, I haven't seen the ghoulish beast in quite a while.

In the middle of my midnight toke, I spotted him crossing my street. I knew he'd pass by the backyard in due time, as was his ritual. Feeding off souls in the underbushes, I suppose. Anywho, he always walks along the fenceline tightrope, and sometimes, has even looked over at my cigarette ash. Spooky shit.

I still don't know why I wanted to take a snapshot of the thing. Maybe I wanted proof that I haven't been seeing stupored apparitions in the dark. Whatever, I wanted to catch a papparazzi shot of his scary face.

In my all time favorite pajamas, I climbed into a tree, in perfect viewshot of the beast. I waited, and waited with my trusty elph cam, and finally, I got a sight on movement up near the neighbor's fence. In possum practice, the creature lumbered down the fenceline, his ratty tail keeping excellent balance. I seriously felt like the appalachian steve irwin. Goddamn possum nature photography. What a silly way to spend a high.

I snapped my shot in perfect distance, not more than two feet from my subject, and suddenly the worm quickly turned for my worst. All I remember were eyes aflame and teeth a'glisten, and the possum jumped into my tree. He chased my silly ass down the branch and on to the back deck. I called him a sheisty little bitch and he shot back with some shit about my mother. And took off for the nearby golfcourse.

Like school on sunday, possums ain't got NO class.

I hate those suckas, and I knew all possums were shady from the beginning. Don't trust a possum, because he just isn't right.

Word. Recognize.

The Ninja, is signing off..

Sa Da tay.

*footnote. I refuse to use a pointless "o" when concerning a disrespectful species. therefore, you will never but this once read my use of 'opossum'. word.