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8:53 PM -- 2004-02-24
I don't care what I said about celebrities... that Johnny Depp is one hot ticket.

Boy, oh boy... I need to get myself back to civilization soon. Bullshitted my landlord today, telling him my deposit and rent checks are "in the mail" and he'll have his money by the end of the week. Its not that I enjoy lying, its just that I don't want him to give my house to some other fucknut. Survival is my perogative here.

In unrelated news, I can't get enough of Pirates of the Caribbean. Hot damn! That super-hunk Johnny Depp should take home the oscar for 3 reasons. One, I feel Sean Penn is overrated... Two, Bill Murray didn't impress me much this year... and Three, just as aformentioned, Johnny Depp is a super hunkasaurus.

My brother and I were watching him on Inside the Actor's Studio with James Lipton, and as he started rolling his own cigs, said, "I'm going to appologize in advance for the poison I'm about to partake in." At that moment, Travis and I looked at eachother... both with the same thought, "We must have cigarettes now." We rushed out, thinking how strange it was that both of us had freshly run out, and how some cool motherfucker on tv can so instantly compel us to smoke. Interesting.

Its amazing the man's as old as my mother. I can't get over that shit. Even with such terrible hair, like in Blow... he'd still be on the cover of my Tiger Beat magazine.

Even if I were a lesbian, I think I'd still be attracted to Johnny Depp. However I refuse to make lewd jokes such as, "He can pirate this ship any day."

Sick.... I hate jokes like that.. except when a gay man makes them. Only then do I think sexual jokes merit laughter.

The Queer Eye fellas were on Conan the other night, and they addressed a rumor about one of them being straight. To that, one of them said,

"Nope, we're all certified pickle-smokers."

I almost fell dead at that precise instant. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is my favorite reality show.... a second going to American Idol.

Yea, I have my demons too.

The Ninja, is signing off..

Sa Da Tay!