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3:23 AM -- 2004-03-03
Sweet lung-damning goodness... the cigarette show.

These "Booberry" flavored cigarettes are perhaps the worst consumer choice I made since buying Tesh's greatest hits. Izmir Stingers... not my flavor. If I were to mix them with a cocktail as recommended, I'd lose both dinner and lunch. A fruity breeze to both lung and liver?? Terrible idea.

Also unpleasant are those venomous Virginia Slims. Lady-cigarettes, my ass... those things sting my insides like drinking draino with a jalapeno chaser... unpleasant indeed.

But don't believe such poisons would incline me to quit for good. I enjoy the devilry far too much.

Besides, if I did that, I couldn't justifiably compose a list of people I would enjoy having a smoke with.

(excellent segway... excellent.)

George Washington would be interesting to my brain. Perhaps I can slice off some of that abounding patriotism for my own. Besides, I'd be curious to know how he feels about his ideologies being so skewed by those sadistic wierd motherfuckers over at the white house. A cigarette can be the key to unlocking his brain.

Of course my healthy obsession with Johnny Depp bears no weight with my desire to have a smoke with the fool. I'd pick his brain as well... or perhaps just casual talk about quantum physics. Plus, I'd take the chance in bumming one of those interesting little frenchies he smokes.

Bob Dylan, I'd shine your shoes with my grandma's prize doilies, just to have the honor of sharing a smoke break with your highness. Nana would understand, and I'd bring an extra pair of pants, in the event I lose it and piss myself. Yea, I'd be sure to do something assinine like that.

I hear Corey Feldman is squeaky clean these days... but I'd dig having the motherfucker revert back to old habits to have a cigarette with yours truly. I'd ask him about what it was like doing car stunts in License to Drive, and what the fuck was up with his time as a terrible Michael Jackson clone. These are things I need to know.

Of course, I take a cancer-stick from the Boondock Saint boys... which would probably accompany a few bottles of whiskey. I would however, have to play double-agent and go smoke with the mafiosos as soon as I got done. Mobsters are far too cool to shun. I'm bound by my own fucked principles here.

Blackball mobsters?? Fah'get about it.

The Ninja, is signing off...

Sa Da Tay!