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11:24 PM -- 2004-02-27
"They're driving me CRAZY. These Baptists are stupid. Stupid. STUPID." -- Ed Wood

Boy am I relieved. I was watching nicktoons, and Al Roker came on the air suddenly in one of those Public Service announcements and told me to be myself. Roker gives me the advice I need to sweat through the darkest days. Man, I'm glad that shit's cleared up.

Uh oh... look at this. I have to make my first correction. Back on February 11th, I wrote about biometric driver's licences criteria. Its not really a national issue yet as much as it is a Washington state issue. Anyways... correction made. Check my guestbook if ya wanna know any more about it.

Moving on.

I want to warn you all about something that could possible plague you for the rest of your days, if not til the end of time. Heed my words, citizens... for I speak of an unrelenting annoyance that has haunted my own quality of life.

Those fucking Baptists.

I went to church one day when I was a wee lass, maybe 5 or so... and it sealed my fate in the eyes of that institution.

I've effectivly eluded bill collectors, the law and the federal government... moved to at least 3 different towns within the past year, and I swear to god, I still get church bulletins and newsletters.

How the fuck do these people keep finding me???

The problem is, I can't send any tongue lashings their way, for my grandma is a respected member of the church, and I don't want her to get blackballed from the annual easter pageant or some terrible shit like that. So I've just got to put up with it for the next 60 years.

I asked her what was up with it... and she said she knew nuthin' bout nuthin'.

Unrelenting beasts never fail to send me those envelopes for donations.

I wanted to send them a picture of me, with an arrow in permanent marker pointed to my face and the word "Buddhist" next to it.

And it would be cool, because I'd be smiling in the picture, so's there are no hard feelings about the whole ordeal.

However, I'm unsure about how they'd handle it. The last thing I need is a couple of goons at my door in suits attempting to strong-arm me back to the flock.

I bet the devil is having the same problem down in the underworld with all this junk mail. And there isn't shit he can do about it either, because I mean... whose going to listen to the devil, right?

Motherfuckers are driving me abosolutely crazy.

The Ninja, is signing off...

Sa Da Tay!