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11:42 PM -- 2004-10-04
Impaled Whales and Peruvian Hallucinogens

Whilst checking my email the other day, I saw a news story...

One of those Royal Caribbean cruise liners totally impaled a whale. Saw the gruesome pictures too. Its pretty sick... and I can't find a single reason why I would take a cruise in the first place.

Number One: I'm not about to be isolated anywhere with a slew of tourists... many of which could give me some contagious intestinal disfunction. With no escape short of a life raft, you find yourself trapped on a floating petri dish. Nothing says "vacation" like vomitting over the rails into the caribbean.

Number Two: Cruise boats dump all kinds of nasty shit into the ocean. I'm sure the manatees and humpbacks really appreciate having to swim around in your feces and cheap gin. MMMmmm boy.

Yea sure, they swim in their own feces, but have YOU no dignity??

Number Three: Kathy Lee Gifford hangs around on cruise boats.. and for godsakes, she performs at dinner time. I want no part of that shennanigan. Flat out.

Number Four: I don't want to be aboard a whale-impaling, gin-dumping, Kathy Lee-employing killing machine.

Word... thats enough of that.

Anyways, after last week's snore-fest of a presidential debate, I'm completely amped about tomorrow's slug-fest of a vice presidential debate. Save the drama for your momma, because John Edwards is going to rip Dick Cheney a new one.... straight-facts style.

So I gotta talk about a show I saw tonite.. I really dig those shows on National Geographic Channel... called Taboo. Each show is basically about a theme which people consider Taboo in the western world. And they show you different cultures of the world... its really awesome. There's Taboo: Rites of Passage, Taboo: Body Art, Taboo: Extreme Childhoods, Taboo: Sexuality. etc etc.

Plus, I'm glad someone is giving anthropologists work.

So tonite's new one was Taboo: Altered States. And I thought, sweet... my cup of tea. They discussed Absynthe, African ceremonies, and the ayahuasca ceremonies in Peru.

Ayahuasca is a jungle brew derived from the caapi vine in northwest south america. Shaman call it "the vine of the soul" and when taken, it takes you to the realm of the supernatural. Very very sacred shit. Its used alot for healing ceremonies, and so powerful that its only used by trained shaman.

Anyways, so this couple from San Francisco came down to try it out.... fucking gringos talking bullshit about how they were really interested in the spiritual journey and such... psuedo bohemian spring break junk.

Worry not, because I didn't pass this judgement until after the show was over.

The guy had just graduated college, and the girl said she was nineteen... and they went through the whole ceremony with the shaman.

Now the apprentice shaman really struck me as interesting. His name was Chad or something of the like, and he was from america. In his 20's probably, and to complete his shaman apprenticeship, he had performed the ayahuasca ceremony about 70 times. Mad props to that cat. Running off to Peru to be a shaman. Nice.

So during the ceremony... this girl begins to freak out like some sorority girl at a party... shrinking down into her sleeping bag... and the dude loses it even worse.... vomitting (which happens to everyone who participates in the ceremony, because its spiritual cleansing) and he is pretty much collapsed on the floor like a rag doll... the natives have to help him into the bathroom so he doesnt shit himself.

Mad diarrhea, yo.

Even at this point, I wasn't about to hate up on the guy, because I've read up on ayahuasca, and lots of people don't take well to it. Richard Spruce, a botanist in 1851 could hardly write a decent report because all he could remember was how sick he got.

But get this...

So the next morning.... the kid starts bashing all of it... saying that it wasn't worth it and "It wasn't even a good drug.... I can get better in san francisco."

That night at the ceremony... whether he likes the results or not... the truth came out....and I think it took a peruvian ceremony to show him that he's no more than an american douche bag.

That bastard wasnt in it for the right reasons, and shitting his khakis was a benchmark.

What gets my goat is this: disrespect for the people who opened up their homes and culture to you.

Goddamn prick.

National Geographic caught you actin' a fool.

Snap.

So anyways, I think I'm done for tonite. I've got plenty of things to do... and none of which has anything to do with this computer.

The Ninja, is signing off..

Sa Da Tay!