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11:41 PM -- 2006-05-08
Bono looks like vegas waitstaff in that gold polyester necktie.

Not since my adventures at the texas state fair had I taken the shitty drive over to dallas. Friday night I made a second trip, and to see a irish frontman blather about africa. No doubt you know I'm speaking about Bono, for very few irishmen give a shit about africa.

To explain what appears a grievous foul on my part, I did wrangle a press pass, so I paid none of my sweet income on what turned out to be a sham of an event. I even recieved a press packet, filled with sub par kid's meal africa info sheets. Paid for by the good folks at Exxon Mobile, and Starbucks.

Our republican senator Kay Bailey Bitchinson introduced the guest speaker. She's a horrible clownish woman, but I couldn't help but chuckle when she meandered through an antectdote about meeting 'Bahh-noe' at a prayer breakfast. And the crowd just ate it up... just like greasy barbeque.

I sat in a crowd of 4,000. Highschool classes on a dumb assignment, uppercrust socialites fishing for a network opportunity or at least a brunch invite. Silly journalism interns... most of these people can be spotted by their drama school reject qualities. As you can imagine, drama school rejects are excruciating on the nerves, and as journalists are the scourge of the written word. Foul stuff.

Three drinks down the road, I begin to see things... like hidden social structures. Spooky.

And it seems Bono appeals to all of these people. A close second to the ever so dashing Clooney.

To be honest however, Bono seems sincere in his pursuits, and I prefer this to his weak music. I'd rather endure an Aids lecture than another Tomb Raider soundtrack.

His fifteen minutes of opening patter were uncomfortable at best. He employed texas slang and talked through a stupid story about his goddamn band. In this particular instance, Bono bores the shit outta me, and I don't even consider my time on the clock. Pimps up to a back up copy of The Rum Diary. I read it like a parachute from idiotic bullshit.

But down to brass tax here. What Bono wants from us is this: One percent of the US 'boodget.' He wants this one percent to be allocated towards impoverished nations. It's not an unreasonable request, but just impossible under the current administration. With such blatant corruption in our govt, there's little chance of such allocations to hit the proper channels. Pat Robertson would get his cut, Fallwell and his snake oil ministers would get theirs. Faith based organizations plague the non profit world like a cancerous polyp.

Disgusting, such corruption in the name of jesus.

Bono also appealed to the churchies with a bit about obedience to God is hooking africa up with some aid. "God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war."

Got a decent reception, although it sounded like he was taking speech making cues from the prez. Notso hotso.

"This is our freedom ride, this is our Omaha beach, this is our generation's grab for greatness."

These people are all about buzz phrases these days. Its like waiting for our officials to bust out with a "What chu talkin' bout, Willis??"

Terribly uncouth.

Anyways, Bono's a good guy, and he catches alot of shit for his passions. Unless he travels to a premiere atop a firetruck, while the country's in a harsh gas crunch will I really bag on Bono. And I think he only snacks with the president because he has to, not because he's some sellout beeatch. No talkin shit about Bono, except if its about his pseudo rock and roll music.

He's still more tolerable than that pissbag Sting. Boy do I hate me some Sting.

The Ninja, signing out...

Sa Da Tay.